Sunday, September 20, 2009

Good Bye, my True Christian™ Friends!

I will miss you all!

PZ Myers over at Pharyngula has just infomed me that tomorrow is the day that Jesus will come back and retrieve his faithfull followers so that they don't have to endure The Tribulation™. I know that this must be true because it is confirmed by this website.



By the way, if you guys have any pets that need to be taken care of after you leave, I'll be glad to help. Especially with kitty kats!

26 comments:

Robert Madewell said...

Hey, there's a sinner's prayer on that website! From the all caps, I assume you're suppose to scream it.

"DEAR JESUS, I AM A SINNER. I BELIEVE YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD AND DIED FOR MY SINS ON THE CROSS. FORGIVE ALL OF MY SINS. JESUS, I REPENT. I ASK YOU TO HAVE MERCY ON ME, A SINNER, AND COME INTO MY LIFE. GIVE ME YOUR SPIRIT AND YOUR POWER. HELP ME TO FOLLOW AND OBEY YOUR COMMANDMENTS, AND TO LIVE FOR YOU. JESUS, I GIVE YOU MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR HEARING MY PRAYER. THANK YOU FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE. I ASK IT IN THE NAME OF MY LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST. AMEN."

TTFY also has a sinner's prayer in it. Maybe, I should do an article on sinner's prayers.

Leo said...

Idiotic website. Sinners prayer covers all the bases. I'd never suggest anyone say someone else's prayer word for word. Good instruction, now pray for yourself.

Robert Madewell said...

I'll miss you, Leo. Put in a good word for me, OK.

The sinner's prayer is just another work. If you don't say it (or something like it), then you're not saved yet. Blah!

Robert Madewell said...

Here's another gem from that idiotic website.

"If you subtract 7 years from 2015 that meant that the rapture would be on September 29th to 31st 2008 (Rosh Hashanah - The Feast of Trumpets) and the 7-year tribulation would start around Yum Kippur October 9, 2008. We were all dismayed when those dates came and went." (emphasis mine)

Dismayed? I think I'd use another word. The same word I'll be using tomorrow.

"Wrong!"

Grace said...

One concern I would have with the sinner's prayer is that people can recite anything with their mouths, but whats really going on in their hearts, and minds. Using "heart" in a metaphorical way, guys. :)

Plus, I've visited in churches where I feel there is some real emotional manipulation going on to get folks walking the aisles, reciting this prayer...continued pleas, music playing on, and on..

I think unless a person's whole mind is engaged, any committment is not going to be life-long, standing the test of time, or adversity.

And, didn't Jesus also stress that we should really weigh, count the cost before following Him..

Leo said...

Whether the rapture comes today, tomorrow, or another day Robert, I pray you live to experience it. Not because I desire for you to live through the tribulation period, but rather that you'll have an opportunity to see Jesus with your own eyes and then believe. Unfortunately you will more than likely come to Christ as a martyr during those days, as few Christians will survive it, but at least you will be saved. Every knee shall bow, it's just a matter of whether it's bowing out of reverence, or bowing as a conquered enemy.

Robert Madewell said...

Hey, it is 6:30 in the morning of September 22, 2009 and I haven't heard of anyone flying off into the clouds yet. Also, the website hasn't changed its message yet. I think someone is going to be dismayed.

I'd like to make the point that there has been someone claiming that the rapture was pending for every year since Jesus. In a thousand years, they'll probably still be saying the same thing*. Even Paul seemed to think that Jesus was going to return any minute.

*That is, of course, if christianity survives another thousand years. I don't doubt that it will, because it has survived two-thousand years already.

Robert Madewell said...

PZ has his say about the website here.

GCT said...

Robert,
They weren't completely wrong, just had the wrong god. I've been raptured by the Flying Spaghetti Monster!! I was TOUCHED by his noodly appendage, and you all can be too and join us in pasta HEAVEN with all the pastafarians!! You just need to BELIEVE that the FSM is the ONLY TRUE WAY to salvation and you too can be touched and come to KNOW HIM and eat pasta dinners all the time and live in a world where pirates rule and there's no GLOBAL WARMING!!!!

RAMEN

Matt said...

Jude 1:17-19 (King James Version)

17But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;

18How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.

19These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

ethinethin said...

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better,

GCT said...

"18How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts."

Um, dude, we drive after our own ungodly lusts, we don't walk. Walking is for suckers.

Robert Madewell said...

Jude 1:17-19 is an obvious prophecy. I can make prophecies like that! I bet they'll come true too!

Michael Mock said...

Matt pointed out: "18How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts."

Apparently the End Times will also be marked by wars and rumors of war, which - like the sudden appearance of people pursuing their lusts - makes it very easy to distinguish the End Times from, say, any other point in human history.

On a related note, I thought the rapture was supposed to come after the tribulation...?

Leo said...

The rapture happens before the tribulation. Some have argued against it, but it's a stretch.

GCT said...

Actually, there's Xians on both sides of the fence on this and it's hotly debated, because the Bible seems to indicate both. IMO, it's just another example of the inconsistency of Xianity.

Here's a page I found on this.

Leo said...

I just wanted to say that the website you linked is very incorrect about why people believe in pre-tribulation rapture. They do not believe that the rapture and the second coming are two separate events. The second coming IS the rapture. Jesus has already come back once, and appeared to the disciples. His second coming is the return to rapture the saved.

GCT said...

The point is that people find lots of support for both ideas in the Bible, regardless of the finer points. Your insistence that there's scant support for the position that you don't hold is...well it's like your other assertions - not well supported.

Leo said...

Give me one scripture in support of a post-tribulation rapture. Christ will come back to take his bride before this world is subjected to the tribulation.

GCT said...

That website already did. Thanks for playing.

Robert Madewell said...

"They do not believe that the rapture and the second coming are two separate events."

Leo, you're going to get into trouble generalizing christians like that. I had to learn that the hard way.

I know for a fact that some "pre-tribbers" do believe that the rapture and the second coming are two different events. I was raised in a group that believed just that. Read about Dispensationalism.

Robert Madewell said...

Leo, also look at this table.

Leo said...

Not seen this view in my part of the country. I am a dispensationalist, btw.

Anonymous said...

You know, I just re-read the screengrab of this site from before that date and realized that it doesn't say that it will happen on that date. It says they believe it is fall 2009, and asks the question of if it could be that day. Don't get me wrong, they're still way off base on their prediction, but I just realized we misread it the first time.

Anonymous said...

It says they believe it is fall 2009

How 'bout we revisit them in winter 2010, then?

Anonymous said...

Fine by me. Like I said, I disagree with their even making a prediction. Just noticed it said something different than what I originally thought.