Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Name that Holy Book: 02

This is the second installment of Holy Book or Vogon Poetry. I've renamed this series Name that Holy Book.

Here's a little known snippet from a little know tome of righteousness.

And afterward,
Srosh the pious,
and Adar the angel,
took hold of my hand,
and said thus:

Come on, so that we may show
unto thee heaven and hell;
and the splendor
and glory
and ease
and comfort
and pleasure
and joy
and delight
and gladness
and fragrance
which are the reward
of the pious in heaven.

We shall show thee
the darkness
and confinement
and ingloriousness
and misfortune
and distress
and evil
and pain
and sickness
and dreadfulness
and fearfulness
and hurtfulness
and stench
in the punishments of hell,
of various kinds,
which the demons
and sorcerers
and sinners

Well, what holy book do you think? Post your guesses in the comments, then google it to see if you're right! May Srosh guide you in all your endeavors!


sls2000 said...


GCT said...


Robert Madewell said...


Yes it is, but what book? There's a bunch of Zoroastrian holy books.


This book was translated into Vogon, but never gained the popularity among Vogons as did The Koran. Though, you don't have to be Vogon to apreciate the subtle rhythm and lack of rhyme.

GCT said...

You've got it backwards. All of these were originally translated from Vogon. So, you see, I've actually been right all along.

Postman said...

Are you sure it's not Rastafarian?

Geds said...

Pastafarian, maybe. Srosh is a delicious substitute for penne in several dishes...

Also, it's awesome that you're doing this. It'll learn me to actually remember where I read things on the internets in the future.

Robert Madewell said...

Book of Arda Viraf.

(Arda Viraf 5:6-8)
This text is a description of heaven and hell according to the Zoroastrian tradition. Like Muhammed and Dante, Viraf is guided through the various levels of the hereafter by a holy dead man (Srosh) and an angel. I can't help but think that Dante was inspired by this text, because there are so many parallels. This text predates Christianity and Islam (and possibly Judaism). It is possible that all modern monotheistic religions do get their beliefs of the afterlife from Zoroastrianism.

This text is not usually considered as part of the Avesta because it was not written in the same language.

Robert Madewell said...

Here's a link to the actual text of The Book of Arda Viraf.


Robert Madewell said...

Here's another quote from The Book of Arda Viraf.

I also saw the soul of a man, into whose jaws they ever pour the impurity and menstrual discharge of women, and he ever cooked and ate his own seemly child. And I asked thus: 'What sin was committed by this body, whose soul suffers such a punishment?' Srosh the pious, and Adar the angel, said thus: 'This is the soul of that wicked man who, in the world, had intercourse with a menstruous woman; and every single time, it is a sin of fifteen and a half Tanapuhrs.' -- Arda Viraf 22:1-5

Compare this with Leviticus 15:19-33.

So, having sex with a woman during her period is a sin worthy of being fed menstral discharge forever. Eeeew!

The rituals concerning menstration in the bible are certainly the products of superstition. Today we know why a woman has cycles. Back then, they assumed it was because women are inferior and being punished for something. I was rather suprized that Zoroastrianism also had problems with menstration.

Robert Madewell said...

Another interesting thing about Arda Viraf is that it mentions Alexander The Great in the first chapter. That being the case, this text does not predate Judaism. However, I'm going to guess that this text is possibly even newer than that. Because, it incorrectly identifies Alexander The Great as a Roman. I'd say because of that, it was written during the Roman era. So, maybe it doesn't even predate Christianity. I don't know.

ethinethin said...

Srosh really does sound like a name Douglas Adams would have made up!